


Internet History's Darkest Secrets

by Delnic



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Shiro (Voltron), Btw Shiro isn't literally a dad, Cooking blogger Hunk, Dad Shiro, Homosexuality, Lance doesn't know he's gay as per usual, Light-Hearted, M/M, Youtube Gamer Keith, beauty vlogger Lance, fuck boy Keith, makeup artist Lance, non-binary Pidge, this was supposed to be a crack fic but I don't know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-19 10:04:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10637628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delnic/pseuds/Delnic
Summary: "Lance,I ama gym lad and I wear eyeliner with light BB cream" Shiro confided."Yeah but you're bi" Lance argued and studied his glossed nails. "It's weird for straight guys like me to go around with on fleek eyebrows and knife sharp contours"Hunk and Pidge scoffed, openly.---Aka something light hearted and comical that I write to chill outUpdates are slower due to GCSEs





	1. Fleeky Eyebrows and Knife Sharp Contours

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not putting tonnes of effort into this, it's just a fic on the side that I'm doing for fun. Hopefully it's still entertaining though! There's not set plan at the minute so I can basically make anything happen in this one.

"You're a fucking nerd" The mullet boy slurred, head bobbing subconsciously to the nightclub beat.

"No! Am not" The tanned one opposite him defended, a look of shock taking over his face which maybe had a little too much highlight on for the disco scene.

They were both shitfaced. 

"Yeah you are... got a freaking A on Spanish" He protested his point while taking a swig of whatever unholy concoction he'd picked up from the bar.

"I am Spanish, idiot" Highlight's laugh was riddled with hiccups. 

"Oh yeah... haha" He reeled his head back and took in the sparkling patterns the lights were making on the ceiling. "You're the idiot... bad grades" 

"At least I have an A" Highlight jabbed his accuser's arm. 

Before their argument could develop anymore, a rather tall, muscular man intervened. He had a distinguished tuft of white hair accompanied by eyeliner that was flicked with a level of precision that just screamed professional. 

"You guys are wasted" Eyeliner stated matter-of-factly to no avail, their eyes were vacant. "I'm surprised you're not all over each other like last time"

That comment earned their attention.

"Was not!" Mullet screeched and slid from his chair at the bar, assuming a battle stance. Or at least, he tried to. He ended up wavering a little before slumping into Eyeliner's arms. 

Highlight giggled, reflecting on their last visit to the nightclub. "That was fuuuuuuunnnn... no homo though"

"No homo" Mullet raised his hand as he spoke but remained buried in Eyeliner's chest, too drunk to make any effort to move.

"I don't know, that sounds pretty homo to me" A small figure peered at the scene from behind Eyeliner.

"PIDGE!" Eyeliner and a second voice a little ways away both exclaimed in unison.

"What? I haven't actually drunk anything so it's technically not illegal for me to be here" Pidge explained as if their presence was completely normal. 

"I...I am _so_ sorry... I... I tried to... stop them" A large guy donning an orange bandana bustled over to them, panting heavily. 

"Haha Pidge you're so... funny" Highlight said, taking a worrying amount of time to find the adjective he was looking for. 

"And you're very bright, Lance" Pidge responded, pointedly shielding their eyes.

"Hell yeah I am!" Lance exclaimed, jumping from his bar stool, unsuccessfully. He landed face first onto the floor with an audible crunch. Everyone present, aside from mullet who had been unconscious for a solid minute by now, winced at the impact. 

"Pidge... we'll deal with you later" Eyeliner began. 

"Okay dad" Pidge jeered in return.

"And Hunk" Eyeliner ignored the comment, turning his attention to the man recovering from his run. "Could you carry Lance for me? My hands are full"

"Yeah.. sure... just gimme a second" Hunk placed a hand on the bar and vomited soon after.

"How far did you make him run?" Eyeliner asked Pidge with a disappointed look. 

"Not too far Shiro, I took his moped and always kept in his sight so maybe twenty minutes?" Pidge estimated, guarding their glasses against the blaring nightclub lights as they did so. 

"Hunk, you're a legend" Shiro said simply and hoisted the unconscious mullet boy onto his shoulder, earning a few surprised looks from the more sober fraction of the crowd.

-_-_-

"He is going to be so pissed when he wakes up" Pidge giggled, they were curled up between Hunk and Shiro as the three watched a random chick flick on Netflix. Something about a "fuck boy" as Pidge had labelled the main character.

"Yes... yes he is" Shiro agreed with an exasperated sigh. 

"Shiro, what are we going to do? He's got a date in two days. Two days at 10 am in the morning!" Hunk gripped Shiro's arm, bridging over Pidge.

"I uh... how do you know that?" Shiro responded, raising an eyebrow. 

"It's on the google calendar" Pidge informed him before throwing a popcorn kernel over Hunk's arm and into their mouth. "Sometimes it sucks sharing a computer"

"Or it's great because I know when everything is happening and oh my god is the search history interesting!" Hunk practically shrieked with glee. 

"Yeah, I know right! "How to accept being gay" on wikihow was my favourite" Pidge chimed in, causing a certain revelation to wash over Shiro.

"I should check that more often" 

"Does that mean it is or isn't you?" Pidge inquired, a sneaky smile spreading across their face, barely lit by the TV's glow due to their burrito covering. 

"Pidge, come on, your brother is my boyfriend" Shiro replied, feigning a look of hurt. 

"So that means it's either Keith or Lance" Hunk beamed deviously.

But before their conspiracies could develop any further, they were interrupted by Lance. More specifically, Lance's screaming.

"OH MY GOD OGH MY GA AH!"

The man burst into the room, a look of pure terror on his now deathly pale face, pointing enthusiastically in the general direction of his nose. Shiro swore he looked as though he was about to faint. 

"My face! My beautiful face!" He whispered in disbelief, clasping his hands around said face. 

"Don't cry Lance, you're still wearing mascara and that'll just make things worse when you next look in the mirror" Shiro instructed, he didn't look all that overwhelmed by the event. Neither did anyone present aside from Lance. Simply because, well, the cause of his miseries was quite pathetic. 

A plaster was stuck to the bridge of his nose.

Underneath that?

A bit of bruising.

"How can I NOT cry?" He wailed and grabbed the door frame for support. "This is terrible!"

"Shut up, Fuck boy is getting roasted on the TV" Pidge interjected.

"I don't give a fuck about fuck boy!" 

"Oi, I heard that!" Keith's voice could be heard in the distance.

"I wasn't on about you!" Lance shouted at the ceiling. "My life is ruined" He returned his attention to his current situation and slumped to the ground at a slow pace for dramatic effect, conveying his apparent defeat. 

Shiro sighed and pinched his nose in his own disbelief at his melodramatic roommate. "Lance, if you slap on some foundation as per usual, no one will notice"

"I can't wear foundation to my date with Nyma! It's not manly!" Lance replied, hand on his chest, acting as though Shiro had just suggested that he use his own mother's tears as toner. 

"Oh my god Lance, you're the most enabled and feminine guy I know! What happened to breaking boundaries?" Pidge popped up from between Shiro and Hunk, still somehow tightly bundled in covers yet moving efficiently. 

"I met Nyma on a morning shift..." Lance admitted, dismally. 

"Ohh..." Hunk brought a hand to his mouth and played along with Lance's exaggerated attitude. 

"She probably thinks I'm a normal dude... also I'm apparently a gym lad" He continued, digging himself deeper into a hole with every word. 

"Lance, _I am_ a gym lad and I wear eyeliner with light BB cream" Shiro confided.

"Yeah but you're bi" Lance argued and studied his glossed nails. "It's weird for straight guys like me to go around with on fleek eyebrows and knife sharp contours" 

Hunk and Pidge scoffed, openly. 

"What?" Lance asked, his tone defensive. 

"Lance, don't be silly. Not only gay guys wear makeup" Shiro saved the conversation before Hunk and Pidge's secret was out.

"Yeah, I know, but people just presume I'm gay because of the makeup. I only got Nyma because I never wear it to morning shifts because I don't have the time for a full do. Go big or go home" Lance added finger guns and a wink to the end of his sentence. Shiro physically flinched. 

"Okay well, I'm not going to lie, society is messed up, but do you really want a girl who can't accept you for who you are?" Shiro raised his eyebrows and looked at Lance squarely in the eyes.

"...No" Lance gave in and Shiro smiled empathetically. "But I want a girl!" Shiro's smile was promptly wiped from his face as Lance slammed the door and went on to weep in his room. 

"As much as I don't like it when stereotypes are conformed to, I really hope he comes out as gay" Hunk whispered to Shiro who was unsure why hushed tones were being used but went along with it. "Same"

"AWWW HELL YEAH, Fuck Boy got fucked!" Pidge yelled abruptly.

"What the fuck are you guys watching down there?!" Keith's distant voice could be heard again. 

"Umm... what are we watching Pidge?" Hunk asked quietly. At this, Shiro turned his attention to the TV. Almost simultaneously, he swiped the remote from Pidge and turned the screen off.


	2. Lancelot SnogsALot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We delve into the daily lives of the Voltron household, setting the background for a future story line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter already?! I'm a madman!
> 
> Okay, I really wanted to be productive but didn't feel like doing anything too hard so I wrote another easy, light-hearted chapter of this. 
> 
> Please tell me if I make any stupid mistakes! It was brought to my attention I had Shiro saying "your boyfriend is my brother" to Pidge last time (thanks for the save!). I don't heavily check through this and often post these at stupid times in the morning XD
> 
> For the record, it's currently 17:50 so I have no excuse this time.

"Hey guys! It's yah boy Lancelot with a bit of an improv video this week" Lance greeted the camera that was trained on him. Initially, the ring light behind it had been blinding but he'd gotten used to it by the sixteenth video. 

He was fresh-faced without a trace of makeup in sight (how he always started his videos) and a neat little pastel blue plaster was stuck firmly across his nose. 

"I had a teeny bit of an accident yesterday at the bar with the resident Edge Lord which left me with... this" He grimaced as he removed the plaster from his face and revealed purple splotch. 

"I know... it's horrifying, I know, I know" He went on, flicking away an invisible tear. "But we're gonna fix this don't you guys worry your pretty heads" 

'Lancelot SnogsALot', Beauty vlogger at 2 million subscribers, features guests such as "Pearl Prince" (the fan favourite) and "High Key Edge Lord" (named 'yang' by fans). Also known as Lance Mcclain, notorious Spanish make-up guru. 

"Hey, Laaaance?" Keith called from the room next door.  
"I'm recording!" He received a screech in response.  
"Soz" The apology lacked much sincerity.

Keith was sat in his room, already in his work clothing, bored. He had a terrible habit of getting prepared for things too early.

"Shiiiiiiiiroooo" He called out for his beefy roommate instead.  
"He's at work!" Another screech.

"Piiiiiiidge"  
"They've got headphones on!"

"Huuuuunk"  
"He's at a lecture!"

"Alluuuuuuraaaa"  
"She's in bloody London you dipshit!"

Keith laughed, loudly. Teasing Lance was fun.  
"Cooooraaaan" He tried once more.  
"OH MY GOD, you little shit! Get in here and help me apply foundation if you're that bored!" There it was, Keith had struck the jackpot.  
"Okay" He said, nonchalantly, not letting on that this had been his master plan all along. 

He entered the room to find a rather pissed off Lance with half a bruise and a beauty blender full of powder. "Sit" He instructed after pulling his designated 'special guest' seat from under the desk.  
Keith did as he was told with a smug smile on his face.  
"Tell my beloved viewers why you're here today" Lance ordered and crossed his arms with a dignified 'huff' to show his displeasure.

"Well," Keith began, looking directly into the lens of the camera. "...It's a long story"

Thwack!

"Ow ow ow, I'm sorry!" Keith soon found himself fending from Lance's infamous slapping hands as a result of his remark.  
"Okay, okay!" The barrage of slaps came to a stop and Lance let a small giggle slip from his lips. Keith couldn't help but smile. 

"I'm here because work is in fifteen minutes and I'm bored" He explained, truthfully.  
"AKA I was being a little piece of crap and annoying the hell out of the radiant, handsome, simply amazing Lancelot" Lance 'corrected' while exaggeratedly imitating Keith by deepening his voice and knitting his eyebrows together. 

Now it was Keith's turn to punch Lance.

_-_-_-_

"I'm home guys!" Shiro called into the bustling house. From what he could tell the instant he opened the door, Hunk was cooking (from the tantalising aroma of spice that had washed over him), Pidge was on the computer (he could just see them from where he was, the living room door was open) and Lance and Keith were playing video games (their competitive screams were _so loud_ , he hated their night sessions with a passion).

"Hey dad" Shiro winced. Pidge used that term so casually.  
"Dinner's almost ready!" Hunk announced and, soon after, a stampede struck the stairs. 

"I am STARVING" Lance was the first to burst into the living room, closely followed by Keith who almost bowled him over.

"Nice to see you guys too" Shiro said as he propped his jacket on the coat rack and went to help Hunk out in the kitchen.

Within five minutes, they were all sat around the dining table for dinner, a setup Pidge had secretly dubbed "the Queers of the Round Table". 

"Oh my God Hunk!" Lance groaned enthusiastically. "This stuff is amazing as per usual! Please tell me it's on your blog so my mum can steal it" 

"Yup it is, rated three stars for difficulty, but I'm sure she can handle it" Hunk smiled, making himself his own plate from the plateau of food he and Shiro had laid out.

After the initial buzz of the new dish calmed down, Pidge decided it was time to test some of their theories.

“So Keith, what's the name of the girl you're messing with at the moment?” They asked, nodding to his phone which he was currently texting on. 

“Just some Starbucks girl” He said with a smirk, obviously enjoying the attention.  
“Ooooh a Starbucks girl, can I see?” Lance had whipped around lightning fast, soon craning to see the phone. Keith didn't bother shielding it, instead, he moved it so he could get a better view.  
Lance took a small intake of breath. “Ooooh you're _bad_ Keith. So bad” He laughed and returned to his meal. 

_Well not the reaction I was expecting_ Pidge thought to themself and took a sip of orange juice. 

“Honestly Keith, you shouldn't mess with people like this. You need to settle on someone” Shiro lectured, this topic often came up between the two. 

“Sorry _Dad_ , but I'm really not into all that soppy romance crap” Keith leered, revelling in the uncomfortableness the term caused Shiro. 

“Guuuuys I'm barely any older than you lot” He whined. “Just because I'm the only responsible adult in a house full of kids” 

“Yeah but you really act the part man!” Lance joined in, talking between chomps of a chicken leg. 

“Preach!” Pidge chirped. 

"Hunk?" He made a desperate plea to his last comrade, pulling the best god damn puppy face he could, the same puppy face that had managed to get Matt to share his chocolate on Easter. And, oh boy, was his partner obsessed with chocolate. 

The man turned and everything slowed down to a halt. In his eyes, the fire of a hardened cooking warrior; in his posture, the stature of a finely crafted statue. A serious expression was spread across his face and the words that left his mouth were strung heavy with meaning. 

"Shiro" He said, looking the man squarely in the eyes.

The atmosphere froze and tension levels were sky high. The whole table had his attention now, hanging onto his every word. This was the be all or end all. 

"You're a dad"

The three words shot through him like bullets, sending him into the next realm as the once proud man collapsed onto the table, defeated. 

"Good one Hunk!" Lance cheered and was soon joined by his fellows as they rejoiced in Shiro's death of dignity. A solid five minutes passed before he raised his head and spoke again. 

"Okay guys, I'm a..." He struggled, the word at the tip of his tongue, so close yet held back so far.  
"I'm... I'm a...."

Pidge lay and hand on his shoulder, kneeling on their seat to do so. "It's okay Shiro, in your own time"

Shiro gulped and took a deep breath. "I'm a Dad guys... I'm a Dad" 

And that was the point of time in which Shiro accepted his fatherly duties, a momentous occasion. So momentous that Shiro had to physically restrain Pidge so that they didn't print off a third rate congratulatory certificate to nail to the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What we know so far -
> 
> Lance is Beauty vlogger "Lancelot SnogsALot"  
> Keith has a job, so does Shiro (it's implied)  
> Allura is in London (so is Coran presumably)  
> Keith doesn't mind being in Lance's videos.  
> Hunk has a cooking blog.  
> Shiro is a dad. 
> 
> I'm actually coming up with a whole background for this now. Maybe I'll rewrite it in distant future maybe.


	3. May God have Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May God have mercy on anyone who dared to wake them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey! This chapters about six hundred words longer than predicted!
> 
> The reasoning behind this chapter's release is that I am dying because I left memorising six paragraphs of pure Spanish to the last minute. Which is also why I drew the new profile picture to illustrate how I feel. If I don't post a chapter of Lance Mcclain's Eight Reasons Why next week, you definitely know I'm dead.

The radiant sun that reigned over the land shone brightly in the early morning sky, tinting all that it touched with a silky golden hue. Twittering birds danced upon rooftops, chattering and singing with joyful tones while a gentle breeze ruffled their feathers just ever so slightly, carrying the fresh scent of newly cut grass. All was peaceful in the small town the gang called home and, as such, they were all resting peacefully along with the rest of the neighbourhood. May God have mercy on anyone who dared to wake them prematurely.

May God have mercy on Lance. 

"IT'S STILL THERE!"

"W...What?" Pidge groaned at the rude awakening, it was that time of day where they had barely any grasp on reality, so bloody early. 

So they decided to dismiss the oh so familiar melodramatic cry in favour of resting their dreary head on the pillow again. But their fellow housemates had other plans. 

"OH MY GOD LANCE WHY ARE YOU AWAKE?"

Groaning once again, Pidge tried to block out the second scream with their pillow. 

"Keith! Why are you screaming?!"

Another voice jumped into the fray. 

"I'm NOT screaming! Lance is!"

A repeat.

"UHM EXCUSE ME! I have a dilemma!"

Again.

"... guys... why are you up so early?"

Okay, Pidge could sympathise with the fourth. 

"I SAID I HAVE A DILEMMA!"

Pidge really _could not_ care less.

"YEAH WELL I DON'T"

Pidge really _could not_ stand this.

"Guys! Guys! Stop bickering like little kids!"

Losing their temper...

"SHUT UP DAD!!"

Alright, two voices at once? Unified screeches? Oh man, it was on. 

...  
...  
...

"...Did you guys actually... listen to me?" 

"Oh, God... Oh God no they didn't"

...  
...  
...

_-_-_-_

"Hey, Pidge?" Hunk asked as he set out the breakfast table. He didn't have any jobs so far this week which, while it was worrying, allowed him more time to cook and eat with the dysfunctional family of sorts he lived with.

"...yeah?" Pidge responded between mouthfuls of cheerios, they didn't have the patience to wait for Hunk to set out something properly cooked. Too hungry after the... exercise.

"Do you know where the others are?" He continued as he settled down in front of a plate of his own. A hearty English Breakfast. Yum. "I mean, I heard them this morning but I just sort of blocked it out and I don't what happened after that"

"They're in the basement" The reply he got seemed unassuming and was simply stated by someone who looked about twelve, messily wolfing down cheerios. The paragon of innocence. 

"Oh, cool" Hunk said, biting into a crisp hash brown. "I didn't know we had a basement"

_-_-_-_

"Oh my god, oh my god, ho my h fod god god gah ah ah" Lance was darting about the dully lit room like a headless chicken, clearly distressed, yet the others felt no sympathy.

"Lance, breath" _Well,_ Shiro thought, _I best not be caught being an irresponsible... p.... pa.... parent...._ It seemed as though he had finally truly accepted his fate. And, in turn, took up the appropriate tasks. In this instant, to calm Lance.

"I can't! I'm supposed to be meeting Nyma in five minutes! Five minutes! And I've still got his stupid bruise on my face! I spent all day yesterday coming up with convincing techniques to cover it without unleashing full drag mode, I even did a video with Keith! I let Keith touch my face! My face with half makeup on! But it was fun kinda but that's not the point! I sacrificed so much for this date! How can I breathe!" Evidently, Lance could indeed breathe as he paused his panic-stricken monologue to gulp down that precious, musty oxygen of the basement. 

Shiro sighed and placed a soothing hand on Lance's back to ensure that he didn't choke on air, as he seemed viable to do. 

Meanwhile, Keith couldn't even bring himself to watch the spectacle, still fuming about how such a small little creature managed to get the upper hand on _him_. He'd even taken to enlisting Shiro's expertise as a personal trainer after the last incident with the tiny devil and it hadn't raised his chances at all. Perhaps because the last incident took place only sixteen days ago BUT STILL. At least he could blame Lance this time. He loved blaming Lance.

Blaming, teasing, trash talking, winning against, spending time with, filming with, sparring with, racing with, streaming with Lance. All things he loved. 

But not Lance himself. That idiot was the reason he was in the dreaded basement. As much as he claimed to like dark, edgy things, Keith could never sidle up next to a spider and be okay with that. Never. 

"Hey, are you going to join us?"

A voice snapped Keith out of his contemplations. Shiro's voice. Him and Lance were hunched over in the corner. _Looks sketchy._

"Sure, I'll join"

The three were soon scheming and conspiring ways to get out of their current predicament with Shiro illustrating his points with a partially shattered chalk he'd found in a random crate. At least, it looked like chalk?

"So, there's a window in the corner, yes?" Shiro searched for confirmation as he drew yet another box representing the basement.

"Yup, there is" Lance confirmed. "But it's higher than any of us can reach. I mean, maybe you could jump or something Shiro" 

"That I can, yes" Shiro murmured, engrossed in what really just looked like the arbitrary scrawlings of a toddler to Keith. "Got it" He announced and dramatically cast the chalk aside and turned to his comrades with a sincere seriousness about his facial features. "It's fool proof"

"Totally" Lance remarked, sarcastically.

"um... what?" Was all Keith could muster, oblivious to the sarcasm.

"Just roll with it dude" Lance whispered into his ear. Goosebumps. 

It didn't look like Keith had a choice either way regardless as Shiro was now ploughing ahead with his masterpiece of a plan which was obviously just too advance for his and Lance's brains to comprehend. Or it was just... in his head and he felt no need for any more elaboration past his drawing. Again. Back to the former point, too stupid to understand and interpret his scribble. As much as Keith marvelled at the man of the house, he could do with some better explanatory or drawing skills. Maybe both. 

"Lance, go into that crate over there and retrieve Hunk's old instant film camera" Shiro ordered, the hardness of a leader in his eyes.

"Yessir!" Lance saluted and did as he was told with mock soldier enthusiasm. 

"Keith, I need a rope or some kind of object that could act as a one" Keith too found himself following orders but with less of the enthusiasm Lance exhibited. A lot less.

It wasn't too long before Shiro had constructed some form of "revenge tech" as Lance had dubbed it and had squeezed out of the window. Now it was just Lance, Keith and a rope in the basement. Cool.

"Has he... gone?" Lance wondered aloud, peering out at the glimpse of the garden through the window. 

A pause.

"I'm sorry guys, this is too risky" A familiar voice sounded, followed by a familiar chiselled face popping through the small rectangular window of escape. Keith found it hard to believe that Shiro had managed to shimmy out of that small opening _and he had witnessed it._

"I'm going in alone. If I don't return... Keith?" 

Keith turned his full attention to the upside down face of Shiro. 

"I want you to take over as Dad" And just like how the man had appeared, he vanished. 

Lance laughed, boisterously. "Oh my God, you're gonna be the next Dad!" 

"I can't be! If anyone was fit to be a parent it'd be Hunk, he cooks! I sit around a film myself playing video games!" Keith exclaimed, his eyes running wild. 

"Yeah but Hunk's more of a mum. He cleans _and_ cooks" Lance pointed out.

"Well... yeah but Dads can cook and clean too" 

"Shiro Dads can't. And you're gonna be a Shiro Dad" Lance countered, assuming a relaxed position, leaning on the brick wall. The argument was won. 

"...but I'm not ready to be a Dad" Keith whimpered, defeated. 

"You don't have to be!"

Shiro barged into the room at full force with a small Pidge-sized thing slumped over his shoulder. The two basement dweller's jaws dropped with shock. _... How?_

"It was simple, really" Shiro answered as though he had read their minds. "Lance's revenge tech has gotten me some blackmail" He explained, holding an instant film camera that was haphazardly duck taped to a bamboo stick like structure. 

"I have more than you..." Pidge grumbled from where they hung. Shiro hadn't exacted any physical punishment upon them it was just that the weight of the crushing failure was just too much to handle. It had gone so well up until Shiro stuck that nasty contraption through the computer room's window and shot those sneaky pictures of Pidge, unbeknownst to them. Next thing they knew, it was release the prisoners or deal with Shiro getting a t-shirt with Pidge pulling an absent-minded face printed onto it. The odds were clearly not in their favour there was no choice but to do as the man instructed. 

"um... so why am I still holding a rope?" Keith's sentence pierced into Pidge's occupied mind. 

"To climb out" Shiro stated before leaving the room, Pidge still draped across his shoulder. 

"Huh..." Keith muttered, scanning the rope he had held this entire time. "Smart idea"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was fun to write, same drill. Tell me if I made any mistakes! Thank you so much if you do. 
> 
> Also, thanks for the attention guys! This has gone pretty well as far as my fics go (most of them are terrible and there's only about six XD) so thank you!


	4. A Fluffy Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance decided to enter the online dating scene and triggers a rather unfortunate series of events in a bitter sweet sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, GUYS. This one didn't come out at the same frequency as the other stuff but it's 2200 words longer than expected! So I hope that compensates XD
> 
> Also, it's like, chapter four or whatever. Can I introduce my social media now? eh if you guys like art, I do art.  
> You can find me on Instagram as @Neko_Akise or on DA as Neko-Akise.
> 
> Cool stuff.
> 
> By the way, this chapter was brought to you by the stress of coursework, all of which I have completed now. Yay me. First GCSE in sixteen days.... yay me. So I might not be as often as I'd like when it comes to updating and it's also why I haven't updated Lance Mcclain's Eight Reasons Why yet - I'd rather write fun crap when stressed.

"hmmm..." Lance bit his lip in concentration, staring intently at the four-inch screen he held in his hand. It was a peaceful Monday, one of the quietest days for Lance as most of the gang were on shifts at their various places at work or school. 

Usually, he'd revel in the fact that the house was left to just him, Keith and occasionally Hunk when he didn't have a job ( _the hardships of being a freelancer_ he guessed) but right now he needed all the help he could get with the task at hand: Choosing the perfect selfie. Or Three.

"Hey, Keeeeeeith?" He called out. Sure, the mullet-donning man might take the mickey out of him for resorting to such desperate measures to achieve his goal but the guy did have an eye for looks, Lance could not deny that much. 

"Yeah?" He heard a distant reply, presumably from Keith's room. 

"Could you come down here a sec? I need some help?"

After a few almost inaudible disapproving grunts, Keith sauntered down to the living room and sat beside the one who had called for him on the sofa. "What's wrong?"

"I'm having trouble setting this up, I've gotta make sure I don't make a fool of myself or anything like that" Lance explained, revealing the home screen of a dating app on his phone. He took a second to gauge Keith's reaction before stealing back the device. He was... unreadable. As per usual. 

"Why are you using this? I wouldn't think you'd need to" Keith questioned. Lance would've mistaken it for a half arsed complement if it weren't for the deadly serious expression upon the man's face. 

"Well, you thought wrong. I've had absolutely no luck _at all_. Preposterous, I know! ME!" Lance chuckled before recalling that Keith didn't always quite get sarcasm. "Well, actually not that surprising" He cleared up and Keith's face lit up with understanding in response. 

"Alright, well, um why do you need me?" Keith continued craning a little to see the phone as Lance navigated to the account creation page. Lance gave him an incredulous look. 

"You mean to tell me you've never used a dating app before, Mr I've-got-a-new-girl-every-other-week" He crossed his arms for emphasis. 

Keith scowled but Lance wouldn't relent. After thirty seconds or so, he gave in. "Alright, guilty" He admitted. 

"Good. Now help me do this" Lance ordered, practically shoving the phone into Keith's hands. 

After a couple of minutes of Lance's faffing, Keith's display of expertise and selfie selecting later, Lance was almost ready to enter the dating-verse.

"And this feature" Keith gestured to a digital switch in the preferences menu. "Let's you choose whether you want to be matched with girls, guys, both or... actually I don't think this has an option for non-binary but you get the idea" He explained. "Right now, since nothing is set, it's on both by default"

"Cool," Lance said simply, swiping the phone from Keith's hands. "I'll let you know how it goes!" The man stated before darting into the kitchen. 

"...Okay?"

_-_-_-_

"Why are you glued to your phone, Lance?" Hunk asked while whisking egg whites with a practised level of professionalism. He was making pastel meringues after being inspired by his favourite YouTubers - aside from Lance and Keith of course.

"Just an app" Lance replied, not giving any more detail than he deemed necessary. 

"An app? That all? What kind of app?" The questions were flying in now, left right and centre. Lance already knew there was no way he could keep anything from Hunk yet he'd tried anyway. He decided it was best to surrender now rather than when it was too late. 

"A dating app" He said and slumped a little in resentment of his actions. 

"Oh, what happened to Nyma?" Hunk inquired, now slopping the mix into piping bags. 

"I missed the date and now she kinda hates me" Lance explained, slumping further into his chair at the dining table. 

"Awww I'm sure she doesn't hate you" He reassured while piping with an expert level of finesse. 

"Why would someone who doesn't hate me send me this?" Lance switched to the gallery on his phone and showed a picture he'd received from the girl in question a few hours earlier. 

Hunk put his cooking utensils down and sat next to Lance after observing the photo. The picture was of Nyma and a man wearing clothes that looked suspiciously like Lance's work uniform. Hunk would know, being the one who volunteered to do the laundry every week. The two were kissing while Nyma eyed the camera with a mischevious look. 

"Well, obviously she's a complete waste of time and you're way too good for that" Hunk stated and gave his perturbed companion a reassuring pat on the back. 

"Yeah but it's Craige. He's so freaking gorgeous which is just a big slap to the face" Lance moaned and took to resting head on the table top.

"Well I bet he couldn't do perfectly winged eyeliner!" Hunk chirped to no avail. Lance remained solemn. 

"That's a con if anything..."

Before Hunk could further his efforts, a certain dark hair man entered the room before faltering upon seeing the duo. 

"What's with the sombre atmosphere?" Keith asked, setting aside the five empty water bottles he'd brought down for the bin in favour of taking a seat next to Lance. 

Lance lifted his head at the new arrival with renewed energy at the prospect of conversing with his self-proclaimed youtube rival. It didn't make much sense since the two channel's contents were anything but similar but Keith had long since given up and now just rolled with it. 

"Oooooh, that's a big word there Keith!" He exclaimed mockingly.  
"It's two syllables Lance"  
"Soooooo big" The tanned man continued, making wild gestures for emphasis.  
"Shut up, I just tried to show some empathy and I got shut down" Keith stated and lifted himself from his chair, ready to leave. 

"Keith, stay" Hunk ordered, noticing how Lance had lit up after he had turned up.

The man obliged, unwillingly, but one does not simply disobey a direct order from Hunk. Once he was settled, Hunk explained the situation. 

"Lance missed his date with Nyma so she sent him this" He gestured to the picture still displayed on Lance's phone which lay discarded on the table, only for it to shut off as Keith reached for it. No matter, the dark haired man knew the passcode, much to Hunk's surprise. 

After a moment of studying the image with an intense expression, Keith announced his judgement. "Lance, you're so much better looking than this guy" 

Clang.

Hunk dropped the whisk he'd been holding.

"That was way too casual!" He squealed, already grasping his own phone with the intention to message Pidge.

"Wh-What?" Keith stammered, only to find that Lance was equally as flustered. "Hey!" He scrambled to get a hold of Hunk's phone, the only action his confused mind could come up with. 

"...And sent!" Hunk exclaimed gleefully and tossed the phone to Keith, knowing that he didn't know his passcode even if he did happen to know Lance's. 

Lance, who had now regained his composure, pointedly raised his eyebrow and leant back in his chair awaiting an explanation. 

"What? I didn't do anything stupid like you" Keith argued, tossing the phone to the side which caused Hunk to squeal once again but this time with fear. 

"Why? What would I do?" Lance asked calmly, smirking all the while. 

"I don't know, some stupid pick up line or something!" He was digging himself further and further into a hole. 

"Not for someone I wasn't interested in?" 

"Shut up! I've got a girlfriend, idiot!" Keith layed down his point with a defiant look. To his surprise, Lance didn't say anything. Instead, Hunk chuckled - knowingly. 

"Okay so maybe I won't tomorrow, but for now, I do!" And with that, the man stormed out of the room, very clearly red-faced. 

A few moments later, Hunk returned to his cooking and Lance resumed his swiping. 

"You know, maybe we went too far" Hunk murmured quietly.  
"He'll get over it. He has to - it's game night"

_-_-_-_

"How come Keith's not here?" Pidge asked openly between mouthfuls. Today's delicacy was Maple-Mustard Roasted Salmon with Vegetables. Hunk just gave them a pointed look and Pidge quickly caught on.

Meanwhile, Lance remained oblivious, hardly touching his meal while swiping on his phone. It was peculiar to Pidge who was used to seeing him practically inhaling anything and everything that was cooked by the resident unofficial chef. So, there was only one logical solution: spy.

And, oh boy did Pidge like what they saw. 

"That's a cute boy Lance" Pidge commented, intentionally loud, peering over Lance's shoulder. 

"What?! No, no that's a girl!" Lance exclaimed while desperately batting Pidge back to their seat.  
"A boy?" Hunk asked from the other side of the table, also curious at this new revelation.  
Without hesitation, Lance swiped and thrust his phone screen ahead of him and into the two accuser's plain sight. 

"...That's a guy, Lance"  
"Crap!" He cursed, swiping desperately until he got what he desired, presenting an image of a girl's profile. Hunk raised his eyebrow, astonished at his friend's apparently low view of their levels of intelligence.

"Lance, just because it's a girl's one now doesn't erase the fact that it was a guy a moment ago" Hunk stated plainly. 

"Is there something you want to tell us?" Pidge chimed in before Lance could even utter a single word. 

"No! There's not!" His voice was scratchy, the embarrassment overwhelming. 

"Awww come on, you can't deny it after that google search" pushed Pidge who was evidently not about to give this up. 

"What google search?"

"Lance, you know what we're on about, don't deny it" 

With a screech of metal chair leg against kitchen tiles, Lance stood from his seat with both hands planted firmly on the table ledge in front of him. "You know what?" He began, his face an undignifying shade of rose. "I actually feel quite sick. Eat without me" And at that announcement, the man vacated the area and trotted up the stairs with no real destination in mind.

He soon found himself in the corridor that connected all of the bedrooms within the house. It was dimly lit, creating a rather suiting gloomy atmosphere for him to mope in. Which was what he intended to do before he discovered the glowing light being emitted from Keith's room accompanied by nostalgic game sound effects. 

"Is that... Minecraft?" He asked, voice thick with astonishment, his head popping around the wooden door labelled "Keith's shit, paws off". Not that anyone took any notice of the sign, it was quite redundant.

"Have you come to mock my taste in video games too?" Was what he heard in response. The boy was practically glued to the screen and didn't bother to turn his attention away as he spoke. Typical. 

"...No... It's just that I've not played it in a while, especially on XBox" Lance replied, half apologetically. He didn't want to start another row with the only person who wasn't trying to interrogate him. 

A moment or so passed as Lance stood awkwardly at the outskirt of the room, not daring to take an uninvited step in (very unlike him) in fear of losing a possible companion during the current dilemma. It didn't take too long for Keith to notice, who decided to be nice this time upon sensing the change in his Cuban rival's attitude. 

"You can come in - if you want to" He added the last part just in case he was reading the situation incorrectly, he didn't have the best track record for these things. 

"Thanks" Was all the response the other could muster before slipping onto the couch. The two remained silent for some time, watching the screen intently, or at least Keith was, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. Far from it. It was just what the two needed after their own respective discourses throughout the day. 

That was until the consequences of Lance ditching dinner came around. Tired of waiting for its fill, his stomach growled loudly in protest.

"Didn't you literally just have dinner?" Keith asked, turning if only to raise an eyebrow at Lance but turning nonetheless. 

Lance smiled sheepishly. "Ah yeah, well, sort of"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I kinda stormed off" Was all that he offered for an explanation. Not much was said for a while after that, mostly because Keith didn't know how to respond. He'd never been good with dealing with his own emotions, nevermind others. 

His patience was waning, however, and he soon found that he couldn't take the thick silence the topic had submerged them in.  
"...Why?" He asked quietly, testing the waters. 

"Just 'cause..." Lance began before frowning as though he was internally evaluating what he was about to say and had come up with a negative result. "...Something about the dating app, it doesn't matter" He hastily said before abruptly changing the topic. "Hey, how come you're not hungry?!"

Keith's face lit up at the question and he smirked smugly as he retrieved a Pirates of the Carribean themed box from underneath his bed. Inside was a bountiful array of snacks that varied from Doritos to bottles of Mountain Dew. _How cliche._  
"I have this stash for marathons and when I want to avoid people"

"That's really useful but... also really emo"

Keith's face fell in mock disappointment. "Don't make me get my knives out"

"OKAY," Lance exclaimed. "That's definitely emo!"

Keith reached menacingly for a mysterious looking cabinet on a nearby shelf. Lance didn't need to be told what was inside.

"I mean you're an adorable bundle of sunshine, rainbows, sugar, spice and everything nice!" He quickly corrected with hands flailing in the air to signify his apparent surrender. 

"I'll take two things off that list" Keith replied before returning to his game, leaving his companion more than a little confused. 

"uhh... spice and what?"

Keith only smirked, blatantly ignoring Lance as he chopped down a birch wood tree. 

"Twat"

What followed was... the most violent a person can get without causing injury.

What followed was a pillow fight.

Keith lunged for Lance with the ferocity of a lion, displacing the pillow from beneath him to bring it down onto his opponents face. Lance only had a few mere precious seconds to grasp the first pillow-like object he could find and protect his face from the incoming fluffy barrage, which just so happened to be a stuffed red lion (each of the gang had one, but that was a story for another day, perhaps not in the middle of a heated battle).

Using the upper body strength he had built from his latent swimming career, Lance launched himself upwards, grappling onto the same pillow that he was being attacked with and turning the tides in his favour. Now Keith was the one overpowered, struggling to keep Lance from crushing him from above. He'd always been more of a skill based fighter whereas Lance excelled in either long range shooting (laser quest with him on the opposing team was damn near impossible to win if at all) and simply relied on brute strength in hand to hand combat. Sure, he was nothing in comparison to say Hunk or Shiro but he certainly had the upper hand on Keith in such close quarters. 

At that thought, Keith had an idea. 

In one fluid movement, Keith relented and let go of the pillow and blocked his head with his arms, bracing for impact. As expected, Lance came crashing down with a surprised yelp, clearly not having foreseen this drastic change in events. Utilising his newfound opportunity, Keith thrust his arms forward at the pillow, an action that Lance couldn't counter due to his disorientation, and landed themselves in the same position they had started with. A sure victory. 

"Ha... I surrender" Lance admitted defeat between breathy giggles, a stupid smile plastered upon his face. His hair was a shaggy mess and his skin glistened in the glow from the TV. Keith just hoped that his blush was hidden by the general lack of light. 

"Damn right you do" He affirmed, also a little out of breath and giggling. It was such a silly method to resort to when settling such minor issues yet it worked for them. However, they'd usually go for half-hearted batting and punches rather than full on battle-until-submission complete with full body force. 

"...Keith, didn't you say you had a girlfriend?"

The duo both whipped about their heads in unison at the sound of a new voice entering the room. Hunk. Hunk was right there, in the doorway (which Lance had forgotten to close), staring in awe. 

"I-It's not what it looks like!" Lance was the first to respond, Keith was still dazed by shock, unable to process the situation.

"THAT SOUNDS CLICHE I'M ON MY WAY" Pidge practically screeched from downstairs, soon followed by a barbaric clambering up the stairs. 

"Idiot, move!" Lance ordered, shoving his hands into Keith's chest in desperation. It was enough to snap him back to reality at least, but Lance didn't really expect or want to be roughly pushed off the couch either. 

"Hey!" He whined as he hit the floor with a thud, half of his body still pinned on the sofa. The two were soon reduced to a mess of grabbing arms, kicking legs and a lot of cursing as they attempted to regain some kind of footing despite being entangled in each other. 

Just as Pidge darted into the room, the two managed to create some distance with Kieth curled at one end of the couch and Lance sprawled across the floor by the bed. Pidge had no words. 

"Your foot went in my faaaaace...." Lance whined, rubbing where he had presumably been assaulted. "If I want anything at all of yours in my face, it's not your foot!"

Before any further questions could be asked by the two intruders observing the scene, the doorbell rang. 

"umm... I'll get that" Hunk stated and, much to their displeasure, dragged Pidge along with him. 

The two later returned with Shiro in tow to find Keith and Lance now sat on the couch - at opposite ends. 

"...Did something happen?" Shiro asked, sensing the obvious awkwardness between the two. 

"Don't ask" The duo responded in unison.


End file.
